Victory for past hurts

January 7, 2014

I am reading an amazing book by Beth Moore at this time.  It is called When Godly People Do Ungodly Things.  This is a question that has been burning in my heart for the last several years.  In fact, many of the studies I have done and the things I have taught and written about deal with this question or a variation on the question.  I look around and try to figure out why so many Christians live such a life of powerlessness.

Beth made a statement about how we defeat those things from our past that we have never dealt with completely.  The idea of her thought was to see that time and then see Jesus there with us through whatever had caused us to be victimized.  This same strategy was in something that I had read just a day before on powerful spiritual warfare and defeating the strongholds that Satan has set up in our lives.

So if I understand both these thoughts, when we remember a hurt that has happened and it is causing us to sin, or be in bondage, or keep us from living that victorious life we so desire, we stop and then look at that time in history once more, but this time we see Jesus being there with us through the horrors of what we had lived through.  I have had people share how effective this has been in their lives on overcoming past hurts and going on to healing.

As I was thinking about this I got a picture of why this is so effective.  Here we are remembering how we were used or abused.  The pain is as real as the first time, maybe we have learned to stand back in detachment and not feel it as much, but still it is real and it still has power over us.  If it does not cause us to sin directly, it has caused a weak place in our life that the enemy will come and attack us through. Then we change our focus, look and we are able to see Jesus there with us.  His eyes are full of tenderness and love.  His tears show us that he feels the pain and deep hurt that we do.  He gently folds his arms around us and draws us into his heart.  But why is this healing?  Why does this give us the power to overcome whatever terrible thing we have lived through?  How does this defeat all of Satan’s schemes?

One of the answers to these questions is found in Isaiah 53.  We read this scripture and see a picture of what Jesus went through on the cross in order to purchase salvation for us.  But more than salvation he has purchased our healing and our restoration.  So the reason that realizing Jesus was indeed with us through the darkest of the darkest times is because he was there in the victory he had purchased for us on the cross.  He had already taken our pain and our brokenness onto his own body.  We were not alone, have never been alone. 

Isaiah 53:4-6

Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
And our sorrows He carried;
Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten of God, and afflicted.
⁵ But He was pierced through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
And by His scourging we are healed.
⁶ All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all
To fall on Him. (NASB)

Not only have our sins been forgiven but he carried our sorrows, he bore our grief, he was beaten for our well-being, we are healed completely (body, soul and spirit) and whatever part we had in the sin or we fell into later because of what was done to us is gone, laid onto him.

Jesus was there with us in victory, the price already paid, the healing already purchased, the enemy already defeated.  Instead of remembering with pain, we can now remember the cost that was paid for us by our Savior and Lord.  The lover of our soul was there with us making us whole and pure and showing us his amazing love.

We can still cry “why me?” to the universe but now the question should be “why me, why does Jesus love me so?”  Victory is already there for us, we just need to realize and believe God at his word. 

I can tell you one thing, if you start seeing Jesus there with you in these horrible times with victory as well as compassion the devil will stop bringing it up so often.  After all, why would he want you to remember those things where you have found victory in overcoming his evil intentions?  So a double victory is won.

Another important step is to share this victory with someone you can trust.  Satan loses his grip even more when we bring things out into the light.  He seeks to keep things hidden so that our sisters in Christ will not know that there is power and victory available to all of us. And if you cannot quite get the victory yet, be sure to have someone pray with you as you learn to see God’s truth in your life. Having prayer surrounding you will always be a good idea.

Deuteronomy 20:4 for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.

Chatting on fb today with my friend I was reminded of Deuteronomy 20 which I had been read this morning.  This chapter has to do with the laws of warfare.  What I found amazing in this chapter is that God gave the Israelites many different ways they could get out of participating in the actual warfare.  It reminded me of the story of Gideon in the book of Judges where God kept cutting down the number of warriors because he wanted the Israelites to know that it  was God that was winning the fight and not their own strength.

So here in the beginning of their journey as a people conquering the Promised Land they were told they did not have to fight if they had just bought a piece of land, or planted a vineyard, or were to get married or were just plain afraid.  There was no condemnation for those that would choose not to fight because of these reasons.  In fact, it was better for them to stay home because they would bring discouragement or fear to the others around them.

But I think the main reason it was okay for them to stay home is because the fight is the Lord’s and he will use a small number to prove that the victory is indeed his.  I know lots of people in ministry and one of the main difficulties they face is there are not many who will come alongside them for the work, let alone the warfare.  So to them I want to say, “It’s OK, this is the way God always seems to do it.  You have done nothing wrong, in fact yours is the blessing to actually be able to fight alongside the Lord and to see his victory firsthand. Just do not forget whose fight it actually is.”

I know some would say this is Old Testament and not relevant for today.  To you I would point out that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever.  His principles do not change.  He still uses the weak and foolish things of this world to show his might and power and glory. 

So to my friends in the battle…remember the fight is the Lord’s and he will be victorious.  Realize that he means for you to be outnumbered because anyone can win if they have the numbers behind them.  Do not judge those that cannot accompany you in your fight, instead enlist them to be cheerleaders and prayers for your fight so that they can see God’s glory shine in your circumstances. It will not be easy, but it will be so worth it.

The Way the Truth and the Life…John 14:6

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. NKJV

At the time of Jesus’ crucifixion he would not answer his accusers when they asked who he was.  That is because he had been telling his disciples all along whom he was and why he was there.  Since these interrogators had not listened to what he had been teaching, he chose not to answer their questions.  Besides, they were only looking for a reason to kill him, but he was not there to help them, his focus was on the work he was about to do on the cross.

With his disciples he had been completely open and told them exactly who he was.  They did not always understand what he was saying, at least not until later, when they saw the risen Savior and he once again laid out for them what had to happen and why.  Looking back at them we think they were very dense, but then we have the advantage of 20/20 hindsight.  But if we are to be honest, there are many times in our lives that we do not understand why things are happening the way they are.  If we are lucky, we might get an understanding later on.

We are going to focus on one of the statement that Jesus made. He claims some outlandish things here that no one else in history has ever or will ever be able to claim.  It stands in direct opposition to what humanity apart from Christ believes.  In fact, making any of these statements in the present world’s atmosphere about Jesus can potentially get one into a great deal of trouble.  Obviously it got Jesus into trouble, because sayings like these are what caused all the different factions to finally work together and send him to the cross.

In this section of John Jesus is preparing his disciples for the fact that he will soon no longer be with them.  Thomas does not understand and asks for clarification.  Jesus has just promised them that they know the way to the Father, but they cannot imagine that they really do.  They are worried that if Jesus goes somewhere without them they may never be able to find him again.

So Jesus answers Thomas’ question with the amazing statement that we are focusing on here. “I am the way”.  Now wait a minute, our society is OK with Jesus being a way, one of many possibilities; a path for some to follow but definitely not one for everyone.  After all, we all come from different backgrounds and it would be unfair to tell everyone in the world that there is only one way; especially, if they had never heard of such a way.

What is taught by many modern thinkers?  It’s all good.  Follow your heart.  You do what is best for you and let everyone else do what is best for them.  It is seen as supreme intolerance if you try to change people’s minds to come and follow Jesus.  Especially if you are saying that without Jesus there can be no acceptable way to come into God’s presence.  But it is acceptable to convert others to your way of thinking if you are not Christian or you at least give them the option of doing it a different way than what is written in the Bible. 

Maybe this is why many get so angry at Jesus for this statement.  How dare he claim to be the way?  How dare he categorically in one phrase say that every other way that people try to get to God is wrong?  They see this as complete arrogance and totally unfair.  It makes them angry, but most of all I think it makes them scared.  They cannot be wrong or their whole life will be meaningless.  So instead of reading the Bible with an open mind they argue, and quite loudly, that there is no way that there is only one way.

But Jesus does not stop there, the next part of his statement is even worse, ‘the truth’.  Again Jesus is making a pretty outrageous statement here.  How in the world can he claim to be the truth?  The Jews had the law which the Pharisees held above all things, even God.  The Romans had their military might and power which Jesus was not intimidated by and the Greeks had their philosophy and intellect which Jesus called foolishness.  Yet this Jesus is saying it is all for naught without him being the truth from which all other truths must be compared.

So now that most of humanity does not think that truth is absolute but depends completely on personal experiences and situations why do so many get so angry when someone claims that they know what the truth is?  Mankind has gone from “I think therefore I am” to “I think therefore it is a truth and don’t you dare and try and prove me wrong”.  Truth has become so subjective that unless it fits your model of the world you do not have to believe it even if someone can prove to you without a doubt something is true.

Even many Christians seem to fear listening to others’ ideas of truth because they may be swayed by the reasoning.  So they put up a wall and do not let anyone discuss their ideas with them. Maybe that is because they do not know themselves what it is they believe to be true and why.  They have not spent enough time getting to know Jesus and the truth that he is, to be able to withstand the onslaught of all the other worldly truths out there.  And then there are those that do listen and because of their lack of depth in the Word they are swayed by worldly ideas and they too fall prey to the idea that there is no absolute truth and their churches become more and more like the world around them.

The final part of this three pronged statement, I am the Life, is what got me thinking about all of this in the first place.  We live in a world that seems to worship death.  Instead of fighting to live life and to help others live the best life possible, the world is fighting tooth and nail to make sure everyone has death available to them as needed.  Death is seen as a valuable alternative to life’s problems.  Of course, that is usually someone else’s death but at times it does include someone’s right to end their own life.

Where do we see this attitude towards death?  The first and obvious answer would be in the almost evangelical spread of abortion around the entire world.  Besides abortion there are many countries that are legalizing euthanasia in one form or another for the old, the infirm and even the newborn that are a “drain” on the society and its people, either monetarily or emotionally.  What was once the horrible secret of Nazi Germany has become the open policy of many countries.

This society of death has hidden its face in the mask of rights and compassion.  It is seen as a right to not be burdened with an unwanted child.  To be able to make a choice about whether someone is born or not is no longer held as God’s choice but we want to be like God and choose who lives or dies.  Of course women in an unplanned pregnancy are not thinking that they are usurping God’s authority because they have listened to the lie that this is their body and they can do whatever they want with it.

All the decisions we make in our life boil down to who we consider to be in charge of that life.  Does Jesus have the right to tell us what to do and how to live?  Or do we have the ultimate authority to decide what is right and true and just and fair for our own lives.  Each and everyone of us decides daily if we will be like Adam and Eve and listen to the voice of the serpent and do what is right in our own eyes.  The alternative is to live like Jesus who did nothing unless the Spirit told him to, as Jesus said during his life on the earth he came to do only the will of the Father.

Think as you go about your day; do you truly believe Jesus when he says he is the way, the truth and the life?  Are you falling for the world’s opinion that you can find a better way or truth?  Do you always choose life or do you sometimes choose death as the way to go?

Obviously, I am writing this from a Christian perspective and since I am a Christian I will make no apologies for that.  I do believe Jesus and I do believe in the work he did for me on the cross that has taken me from the kingdom of death into the kingdom of life.  And from that perspective I want to live my life each and every day living for the One who has given me eternal life but I must admit that it is a daily struggle to keep my mind from the influences of the world around me.  It is so easy to fall into the trap of doing what is easy or convenient rather than following God’s way each and every day.  Fortunately for us Jesus did not choose the easy path, but took the hard one to Calvary and died for you and me so that we could know the way, the truth, and the life that is Jesus.

How we got to Chinle

June 27, 2013

It is funny to think about money anymore.  Last year close to this time we had none.  I mean we had NONE.  David had been applying for teaching positions all over the state and he had one or two more unemployment checks that he was eligible for.  I was not working; in fact I was taking Real Estate classes because the plan was to start working with family members in their business venture.  We were living with Andrea, so there were no fears of being homeless, in fact there were no fears at all, just anticipation for what the Lord was going to do next.  We went to family camp at Grace North in June to see if we would hear from the Lord there.  Camp was good but no direction had come to us as a result of being there; just a nice time of being away together.

In July David saw a posting for an art teacher job at Chinle High School.  Unlike the other job openings this one had to be printed out and mailed in; all others had been filled out online.  He asked me whether he should apply or not as it was really in an out of the way place.  But both he and I felt that this would be the one that we would end up at and he applied.  A few days later he was called.  They wanted to know when he would be available for an interview, because of the distance, David asked if the interview could be done over the phone.  A time was set up for Friday morning.

After the call we looked at each other and laughed.  We both knew that this was going to be the one.  We started looking at pictures of the area and tried to get an idea of what we were getting ourselves into.  Neither of us had been to Chinle or Canyon de Chelly before.  I had lived for a short time in Marble Canyon, but I was only 4 and being a child in the middle of nowhere is different than being an adult.  But I do remember the amazing landscapes and the red rocks and the gorges and the wind, not to mention seeing the Navajo wearing their traditional dress and turquoise jewelry.

The call came on Friday and we were excited as David went upstairs to talk to the principal.  He came down a while later and told me they would call back on Monday with their decision.  We chatted for a short time when David received a second call, it was asking him if he wanted the job and he said yes.  He came down and told me he had accepted the job and asked if that were OK.  I said of course, we knew already we would probably end up in Chinle…it just seemed to be the way the Lord had been leading us lately.  First an amazing 9 weeks in Costa Rica out of the blue and now a job in the center of the Navajo Nation.

I asked David when school started and he told me it would be a week from Monday.  That meant he had to be there ready to work in 10 days.  He had been told to expect a call the next week letting him know some of the details and more information on where we would be living.  The school district has its own housing and we would be provided with an apartment.  I think I text all the kids to let them know that Dad had a job and where we were going.  Our youngest was the only worried one of the bunch and that is because he had dealt with gang members that had come from Chinle.

At church that night we let every one know about our new adventure and we started making plans on how we could actually accomplish a move.  Since we had no extra money we had to be creative.  God had already given me the information I needed to do this.  I had recently heard from our lender that a car payment could be waived if you have a good payment history.  I called Chase and sure enough they would be happy to waive our payment, of course interest would still accrue.  And then I went online to get forbearance on my school loan.  They gave me three months.  The Lord had already rid us of all other debt, so it was actually pretty easy getting ready to go.  We just had our phones and insurances to pay and that was done with the next to last unemployment check.

The last unemployment check would pay for our U Haul and gas to get to Chinle.  By the first of the week we heard back from Chinle and they did not have an apartment for us as they had not gotten the paperwork.  So after David calling a couple of days in a row they said they could get us an apartment in Many Farms, a small community about 15 miles north of Chinle.  I cannot remember the reasoning now, but we decided David would go up on the weekend and then I would follow with the truck on Friday.  We did not know this was because it was God’s timing.

When I got up there the following Friday, David had been sleeping in the apartment in Many Farms on the floor with what little he had brought with him in the car.  We went to the housing office after school and they told us there was a possibility of an apartment in Chinle, did we want to look at it.  It is 2 miles from the school and not in the complex where most of the teachers live.  It was slightly smaller than the one in Many Farms, but newer with central air and heat.  We looked at it and decided to take it…mainly because we only have one car and I would have been stuck out in Many Farms but I was also very nervous about David driving the 15 miles to school everyday when it would be snowy and icy.  I am a Valley of the Sun girl and the idea of snow was a little frightening, at least driving in it.

So now we knew why the delay.  We would never have taken the apartment in Chinle if we had already moved our stuff into the apartment in Many Farms.  We moved half of the stuff into the new apartment, including our bed.  We had to get help from some new neighbors for that.  And so David got to sleep on a bed for the first time in Chinle.  The next day we went and got his stuff from Many Farms and unloaded the rest of the truck. 

Financially the first month was interesting.  We were living on the change bucket because we had used up almost everything that was in the bank.  After putting a deposit down for electricity and going to Basha’s and buying a few groceries I think we had about $20 total in checking.  And then to top it off, David’s first paycheck was a paper one instead of direct deposit.  We had to go all the way to Flagstaff in order to deposit it.  I think our gaslight even went on when we approached the bank.  Talk about God’s timing!

Since that time we have been able to be current with all our bills and even have enough money that this next week we are going to drive to Nashville to visit with our lovely daughter for her birthday on the Fourth of July.  Then we are going to visit family in North Carolina; looking forward to good times with them all.

David worked during summer school on a curriculum committee and so that money is going to get him a new camera.  His Canon had been giving him problems and a friend had lent him a Nikon to use in the meantime.

Still not sure what I am supposed to be doing up here.  Have substituted a little but I do not feel that is my calling.  I am resubmitting my application to the district but mostly waiting on God’s timing and purpose.  Without a doubt I know we are where we are supposed to be…praying that the Lord will continue to lead us on our new adventure!!!

Believe God!!!

November 16, 2012

I have been struggling with some of the very foundations of the Bible, probably for the last few years, but it seems to be much more intense lately. I think that is part of the reason I am having such trouble finding what it is I am supposed to be doing here in Chinle. I tend to get sensory overload and then all systems shut down. For instance, I go into a Joann’s looking for a project or even just something as simple as yarn. I get caught up in looking and looking and comparing prices and quantity and trying to decide what it is I really want to make and 9 times out of 10 I will leave the store making no purchase. If I do make a purchase I then fuss over whether I made the right decision or not.

Then later at home when I pull out the projects there is all likelihood that I will not be able to complete the vision I had in the store and either something else will be made or it will get partially made. Just ask my daughter, it only took me 30 years to complete a quilt hanging for her.

So here I am grappling with questions of universal importance…struggling to act out the truth I know but most of all, to truly believe what I believe. I have come to the conclusion that the reason Christians, myself first and foremost, don’t do half of what they desire to do is because deep down they do not truly believe what God has said. Still ringing in the ears of humanity are the words from the Garden, “Has God truly said?”

Unbelief!!!! But how can that be? I know that I know that I know that God sent His Son into this world to die for sinners, that He is my Lord and Savior, that on the cross He paid for all my sins, that there is nothing I can do to earn or deserve His favor, but He has given it to me freely. I would die for that but I find that living for that is much more difficult. Not that I would deny my Lord, but that I let the everyday little unbeliefs keep me weak. That nagging thought that God cannot use me, or there must be someone more qualified. And sometimes the most deadly thought, God I can handle this one, and then we forget to include Him.

So while I grapple with election, predestination, total sovereignty of God, suffering of the saints, etc, I want you to know that is not my problem. In fact, I am looking forward to an eternity in God’s presence, at the side of Jesus, discovering what those things are and how they have played out in human history. But for the right here and now my prayer for myself and for you is that I would believe God and do what it is He has put me on this earth to do. I would stop the excuses, and just believe Him; that I would live each and every moment knowing that “All things work together for good for the Glory of God”. Not just an overall belief, but a moment by moment one.

So for now, I plan to continue my study of the Word of God and I hope there will be those that join me on that amazing journey, but the most important thing will be to deepen the relationship I have with Jesus each and every day so that I will believe Him completely, knowing that He is the author and finisher of my faith. As my love grows for Jesus, so will my belief. Let’s stop making excuses and join the Lord on this amazing journey He has prepared.

Pick your battles...

August 8, 2012

For some of us, El Guapo is our El Guapo!!!

In The Three Amigos, the boys are trying to rally the townspeople to see what they are good at and use that to fight off the soon arriving banditos that are coming to destroy the town. They go on and on with the idea that we all have something that we must fight. For some, fear is our El Guapo, for others poverty may be our El Guapo…etc, etc, etc. But the thought is ended by saying: for us, El Guapo is our El Guapo. I think we need to realize that we do have an enemy of our soul; we try to fight all the other little El Guapos but fail to realize that behind it all, our El Guapo is our very own sin nature. And the sooner we realize it is not the symptoms, the sin, we need to be fighting, but that carnal nature that desires above all else to be god or ruler of our life. This is where the real battle is.

Listening to Jerry Dirmann yesterday, I got some clarification on what is actually going on in our Christian walk of Sanctification. For those of you that wonder what sanctification is, simply, it is the process of becoming more and more like Jesus. We are promised in the letter to the Romans that God is busy at work in each of our lives to make us more and more like His Son.

Many of us live our lives as Christians in failure because we look at Jesus and then we take an honest look at our own lives and we see that there is no resemblance at all. We more identify with Paul in Romans 7 where he talks about doing what he doesn’t want to do and not doing what he knows he should. Why this failure, this disconnect, if we are being changed from glory to glory?

It is because we are our own worse “El Guapo”. We are living in our minds, emotions and body, rather than allowing our spirit, which is now alive in Jesus to be the leader. The more we realize we are no longer the physical part of our person, but we are the ‘born again’ spirit that is alive to God…redeemed…bought for a price so that we can now live in true freedom. We are no longer subject to the bondages, addictions, sins, temptations, accusations, weaknesses, being victims of people and situations….BUT we are free in the spirit to Jesus…the author and finisher of our faith.

When we screw up we can now say…Hey that was my old rotten nature…that is not me now…of course we take responsibility for the actions and ask God to forgive us knowing He will because He has promised us that He will. We no longer have to listen to the devil or people or even our self trying to bring us down for our actions…telling us we are not worthy to be called a Christian. We can agree with them that we are not worthy, but then speak the truth that Jesus paid the price and because of what He has done for us, we have been made worthy. We are now the righteousness of Christ, because He took our place for the punishment of all of our sins.

Now there are some practical things we must do if we expect our body, mind, emotions and will to catch up with our spirit in walking in true freedom. First and foremost we must spend time in the Bible getting to know the Truth. We cannot live our lives in ignorance, expecting that God will just take care of everything for us without our even taking the time to get to know Him. This is a love relationship and just like you would want to know everything you could about a person you are falling in love with…you should take the same attitude with Jesus. And amazingly, the more you get to know Jesus and what He has done for you, the more you will fall in love. The more you fall in love the more you will want to know, and the more you will want to be like Him.

In conclusion, do not let El Guapo intimidate you any longer. It is defeated!!! You have the right and the freedom to live in victory. You no longer have to do what El Guapo wants, but the ability to follow in the footsteps of a living and loving Savior.

Starting on the blog again;-))

August 16, 2012

I feel like a kid waiting for Santa Claus! The internet man is supposed to be here to hook me up. I have been offline for almost 2 weeks. Talk about going through withdrawal…not only am I away from my kids and grandkids, I cannot even keep up with what is going on in their lives on facebook. But in a way it has been nice, no news, no TV, no outside problems, just enjoying some of the books I downloaded onto the computer before I left and lots of music.


Well, 2 weeks ago I was preparing to load up the Uhaul to come up here to Chinle. For those of you that have no idea where Chinle is…I am 1 mile from the visitor center for Canyon de Chelly. So I am in the Northeast corner of the state of Arizona and only 300 miles away from Gilbert. In many ways it feels a lot farther. Even in Costa Rica it was only a 10-15 minute walk to get on the internet.


The land is beautiful and the skies are amazing. The people have been very friendly, but they are a quiet and reserved people and I think it will take a while to make friends. The city seems to mostly be made up of people that either work for the schools, the district, the hospital or some other governmental type agency. We all live in housing that is provided, mostly in the form of apartment communities. There are homes and trailers around that are obviously not parts of the system and for the most part these are very rudimentary. There are even a few hogans around but they do not seem to be their primary residence but either something left over or used for something else. We are most definitely in the minority but it does not seem to be a problem.


The funniest thing is the horses and cattle that roam the streets. You really have to watch out when driving around or you could end up with a hood ornament. We were sitting at A&W last week and I could see across the highway. There was 4 head of cattle grazing on the side of the road. Eventually one of the cows decided she liked the look of our side of the highway better and stood at the edge of the road. She actually looked both ways and waited for a clearing before crossing the street. I started laughing and told David to turn and look. Sure enough she made it across before any other cars came, but her 3 buddies were not so smart, they just saw she had left and started following. By that time there were some cars, which had to stop to let them cross. Oh, I forgot to mention, when we had driven up to A&W there were 2 horses grazing in the dumpster.


We have taken a couple of short drives to the Canyon. First time we went on the north road and stopped at an overlook of where 2 canyons meet. Very beautiful! And last Sunday we took the southern road and stopped at 3 or 4 overlooks. David talked with some of the native artisans and I decided that we needed to get in shape and come back when it is cooler to take the hike down to White House ruins. This is the only trail that goes into the canyon that outsiders can go on without a Navajo guide. It was late when we were there and it says on the sign it takes about 3 hours to do, besides that I was out of breath just walking around on top. But definitely a place we will take visitors…should be really gorgeous in the fall.